'She's been pulling each of us aside during office hours to grill us': Employee pushes back against 'nosy' general business manager

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Sep 17, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

This manager is asking for advice about their own manager. 

Every work place is different, with its own customs and ideas about how things should be run. Some workplaces are super casual, while others value a strictly professional environment. But most are somewhere in between. 

When you spend 40 hours per week with the same colleagues, your relationships expand over time. You will probably get to know all about Kathryn's favorite TV series or Jonathan's weekend trips with the kids. Since you're at work, you have to be focused on your job for the most part, and having happy hours can allow people to relax and let loose. Without the confines of a cubicle, it's way easier to get to know others in your establishment. 

This manager has been going to happy hours with their colleagues for some time. And their most recent one was special---they were celebrating a colleague who was moving on to another job after spending years at the company. For the OP and those at the happy hour, it was a pleasant event. 

But u/back_to_eden's boss took this impromptu event personally. She has apparently been trying to get every employee to dish out the details of what happened that night. At least commenters gave the OP helpful advice.

After you check out the story below, read about this employee who spited her boss by giving herself the funniest/worst haircut you can imagine. 

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  • 01
    Hair
    via Obie Fernandez on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - Manager isn't happy about happy hour I work in a very small firm with several "tiers" of management. There are a handful of us who don't oversee anyone. A couple people manage that handful. One person is the general business manager, and there are a couple owning partners who are fairly involved in the day to day operations.
    via u/back_to_eden
  • 03
    Font - The lower two tiers get along great with each other, and we occasionally get together after work for happy hours without the business manager or owners. The business manager is relatively new (2+ years) and brings a pretty corporate feeling to our tiny business. The owners knew about
    via u/back_to_eden
  • 04
    Font - past happy hours and were very pleased that we were choosing to spend time together outside of work, so these events weren't something we tried to hide. We would have anywhere from three to seven people able to attend, depending on schedules.
    via u/back_to_eden
  • 05
    Font - Our last happy hour happened to be our biggest one because we had a long term employee leaving, so it turned into an unofficial goodbye with about eight people there. Her in-office official goodbye lunch was earlier in the day. The business manager found out we all went out and it's turned into a huge problem. She's been pulling
    via u/back_to_eden
  • 06
    Font - each of us aside during office hours to grill us about who organized it, who was there, what we talked about, where we went, who said what...this happy hour was clearly outside of business hours, off business property, and as far as I'm concerned should have no bearing on anything that happens inside the office.
    via u/back_to_eden
  • 07
    Font - I've been warned by another attendee that I'm next in line to be interrogated, but I don't feel like I'm under any obligation to discuss what I talked about outside of work. I'm worried that the business manager could become retaliatory though, because that is very much her personality. Do I have to disclose what was discussed just because other employers were there? If not, what are some methods I can use to politely shut her down without too much blowback on me?
    via u/back_to_eden
  • 08
    Fedora - Professional Pass486. Is she just being nosy or was there an incident there that could put the company at risk?
    via u/Professional_Pass486
  • 09
    Font - back_to_eden OP. Just being nosy. There was some minor venting about the company, but nothing outside of what you would expect from coworkers talking. There was nothing discussed that would damage the reputation of the company or anyone in it.
    via u/back_to_eden
  • 10
    Font - FreshStart209 I'm gonna say that she was not really discussed at this past happy hour. The NEXT one, though... oh yeah. It's time to talk about Nancy, the Office Detective.
    via u/FreshStart209
  • 11
    Font - iceyone444 The manager is massively overstepping - I wouldn't tell them a thing
    via u/iceyone444
  • 12
    Font - 125 OMA KedianX While I agree with the general sentiment here that your manager should be supportive of these events, there is one scenario where they may rightfully ask questions about what happened, especially as their dual role of HR.
    via u/KedianX
  • 13
    Font - rickg Do you have an HR person? Talk to them. If not, one of the owning managers. This person has no authority to interrogate anyone about something you all do after hours, away from the office And I'd simply tell the business manager that you don't see why she or any of management should care as it's off premises and after hours.
    via u/rickg
  • 14
    Font - back_to_eden OP. She's also essentially HR, unfortunately. We're small enough that we don't actually have departments. That's also the response that I'm leaning towards, I'm just trying to minimize the consequences.
    via u/back_to_eden
  • 15
    Font - InuitOverIt. Just play dumb. Yeah we went out. No idea who set it up, everyone was talking about it so I went along. We talked about a lot of stuff but nothing seemed important, just chit chat. They can't polygraph you, but they can fire you for any reason, so just be as neutral as possible if you care about the job.
    via u/InuitOverIt
  • 16
    Font - pialreclothev52. F 'em. We have official and unofficial happy hours at work all the time. Everyone is invited to the official one once a month, and the unofficial ones are invite based or based on who happens to still be in the office at 5 PM on a Friday. If your manager cares she should start organizing a company one, and then maybe she'll be cool enough to get invited to the unofficial ones, too. Something tells me she won't though
    via u/pialreclothev52
  • 17
    Font - back_to_eden OP. Yeah, given these events I don't see an invite coming anytime soon!
    via u/back_to_eden
  • 18
    Font - Xenovore You said the owner liked you guys doing happy hours right? Throw that to this manager. Let's see what their response is after this.
    via u/Xenovore
  • 19
    Font - lilithONE Your time, your business. The manager is completely out of line. I personally would not answer any questions. I would also make her boss or your boss aware of the situation.
    via u/lilithONE

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boss ask managers workplace-stories jobs manager job bosses work coworkers happy hour managers workplace business
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